Once Upon A Time….I remember a time when I was married.
I remember that it didn’t matter how my ex wasn’t the most handsome or healthy man.
I remember that I didn’t care he wasn’t financially stable, the most successful businessman, or even remotely on his way to being either.
I remember how my friends would always ask me what I saw in him, or how they didn’t think that he and I made sense. I had, “so much potential,” you see.
I remember dismissing them immediately and unjustly, “this is love.”
I fell madly in love with his potential.
Our potential.
I remember how I would be approached by men on the regular, and I remember how they were almost offended by my devotion to principle, to always uphold my vow to be faithful to my husband, my best friend.
I remember how my word meant everything to me. In this generation of new loves, we were old souls.
I remember I gave up dreams of law school and a dance career to be his wife and their mother. HE, our family, our kids….meant everything to me. I remember it was all I needed.
I remember informing these wonderfully successful and attractive men that they may very well have been more handsome than he, have more money, been able to take me places, buy nice things, and maybe even make me laugh or smile; but they’d never have what he had, and that’s what you obviously wanted, which was me; in whatever way your head saw fit.
I remember how powerful that felt.
Chuckling almost to myself at everyone like, “maybe it ain’t much to you, but it’s EVERYTHING to me. I’m theirs, it’s mine.”
Then I remember the feeling when I found out, undeniably, that it wasn’t.
I remember… and anyone who has felt that feeling, remembers; decades later, and still yesterday.
I remember how once that security…or trust…or love… or whatever it is you may want to call it is betrayed in that relationship…
there is no happily ever after there to be had, ever.
Just… #TheEnd
The fairytale has ended.
There are no re writes in love.
I may lay in my bed every night alone for the rest of my life, and that’s fine with me, because I have to remember that there are worse things.
Worse things… like waking up laying in the bed next to someone, and STILL… feeling… lonely.
Never want something so bad, you settle for shit that really ain’t no good.
Regardless of all the things you do right, you will NEVER be right…
for the wrong people.
And you deserve more.
We… deserve more.
#TheRealHappilyEverAfter
#teacherlyfe
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