The following stage play is an abbreviation of a longer script that is not intended to be published or performed as it was developed through the freewriting process. The script was created as a comedic writing exercise and is a good read but not something that should be staged at this point:
Lola:
She doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of love. But somehow you’ve managed to learn. My God, I think it’s a miracle.
Adrian:
You’re eyes look beautiful, Lola.
(Miss Wells opens the door. Corey enters.)
Corey:
What? No, Bertha? I think I must have the wrong house.
Miss Wells:
Oh, son! How nice to see you!
(They hug and do some catching up.)
Corey:
I’ve waited a whole year to dig into some of your world famous turkey.
Miss Wells:
You will hate me for this, but I didn’t make it this year.
Corey:
Whoa, those are grounds to start a war.
(Adrian and Lola drift into the kitchen unnoticed.)
If you didn’t cook the bird, who did? It was Bertha, right?
Miss Wells:
No, she’s fired. And Lola’s hired.
Corey:
Lola? Sounds like a stripper.
Miss Wells:
She seems a bit fast.
Corey:
How come she didn’t answer the door?
Miss Wells:
She’s was sitting here a moment ago with your brother.
Corey:
They’re probably in the kitchen to go over a few recipes, toughen him up a bit. But I don’t think his fiancée is going to like that.
Miss Wells:
They broke up.
Corey:
Wow! How did he mess things up this time?
Miss Wells:
There was no passion in the relationship, he says.
Corey:
Who dumped who?
Miss Wells:
He called it off.
Corey:
Oh, man! I always knew my brother was stupid. I think it’s safe to say she’s the one that got away.
Miss Wells:
I suspect there’s more to the story.
Corey:
Maybe someone cheated.
(Enter Adrian and Lola.)
Adrian:
Lola and I have an announcement.
Lola:
In the spirit of love that’s come upon us.
Adrian:
In the presence of the Lord who has chanced us to meet.
Lola:
Adrian and I are deciding-
Adrian:
To get married.
Lola:
This spring.
Adrian:
In St. Thomas’ Chapel.
Lola:
And you both are invited-
Adrian:
Isn’t this exciting? Aren’t you happy for me?
Corey:
Yeah, sure, I guess. But don’t you think you’re moving just a little too fast?
Miss Wells:
That was an awfully quick decision, are you sure you put much thought into it?
Adrian:
I didn’t need much thought to propose, it was a no-brainer.
Miss Wells:
I need to talk to you alone. Step into the kitchen.
(Adrian and Miss Wells exit)
Corey:
So you’re trying to hone in on my brother. I’m not going to let that happen.
Lola:
Beg your pardon?
Corey:
I know what you’re all about.
Lola:
Whatever do you mean?
Corey:
The moment I heard your name, I knew it had to be true.
Lola:
Do you have some kind of problem?
Corey:
No, I seem to like your second occupation.
Lola:
No.
Corey:
Yes. I know that you’re a stripper.
Lola:
Shhh, they might hear you.
Corey:
I was down at the club the other night.
Lola:
You do look a bit familiar.
Corey:
Certain parts of your body look familiar as well.
Lola:
Are you going to tell?
Corey:
Do you want me to let my brother make the biggest mistake of his life?
Lola:
But we are in love.
Corey:
Then prove it.
Lola:
Alright.
Corey:
What’s Adrian’s favorite color?
Lola:
We never discussed that.
Corey:
But women usually ask men that first.
Lola:
Before what?
Corey:
Before they say that they can marry a guy.
Lola:
You must be incredibly bored, man. Why try to ruin our engagement?
Corey:
I just want what’s in the best interest of my brother.
Lola:
So then keep this quiet. I will quit the club to be with Adrian.
Corey:
Don’t bother. My mother and I do not want you to marry Adrian. He needs to patch things up with Sutherland.
Lola:
They will never rekindle that flame.
Corey:
How can they with you standing in the way?
Lola:
Make me a promise.
Corey:
I will not keep your secret. If you think you can walk into our lives and mess everything up then you’re mistaken. When everyone finds out about this-
(Lola kisses Corey.)
Okay, okay. What do you want me to promise?
Lola:
Promise that you won’t tell Adrian.
Corey:
I can’t do that.
Lola:
Please, I’m begging you.
Corey:
What’s in it for me?
Lola:
You can be the best man in the wedding?
Corey:
What I always wanted!
Lola:
I have nothing else to give you.
(Miss Wells enters. She requests for Corey to leave the room in order to talk to Lola. After a few attempts to disclose the secret, Corey finally joins Adrian in the kitchen)
Miss Wells:
I do not approve of this marriage, but I guess I’m going to have to deal with it. After all it is his decision.
Lola:
We’re in love.
Miss Wells:
Take this (hands Lola jewelry). It has been in our family for generations.
(Corey enters holding Adrian by the arm. Adrian’s face is covered with tissues.)
Corey:
He’s bleeding.
Lola:
Adrian?
Corey:
It’s his nose, flowing like a river; we should take him to the hospital.
Miss Wells:
What happened in there?
Adrian:
It’s no problem, I’ve always been prone to this.
Miss Wells:
Adrian, remove those tissues so that I can see.
(Adrian removes them and Miss Wells faints.)
Corey:
Both of you should go to the emergency room.
Lola:
I’ll drive.
Corey:
But who will watch the turkey?
Lola:
Let’s take it out of the oven.
Corey:
No, I’ll stay here and watch it.
Lola:
But who’s going to take Adrian-
Adrian:
I’m fine, I’m fine. I just need to lay down for a bit.
Lola:
Are you sure?
Adrian:
Positive.
(Lola gathers Miss Wells and exits.)
I didn’t mean to upset her.
Corey:
I’ve never actually seen a person faint.
Adrian:
I hope Lola is a good driver.
Corey:
Maybe you should have found out before you decided to-
Adrian:
You don’t believe in love at first sight?
Corey:
Nobody in their right mind would.
Adrian:
I didn’t believe it until I met Lola.
Corey:
I think you need to lie down.
Adrian:
She is the one for me.
Corey:
You’re delirious.
Adrian:
I’m madly in love with her.
Corey:
(changing the subject) Need an ice patch or a towel?
Adrian:
No, I’m fine.
Corey:
Are you sure, I could just grab something from the kitchen-
Adrian:
I want nothing from that evil place.
Corey:
(curious) I’ve got a question.
Adrian:
Yeah, sure.
Corey:
Why, Lola?
Adrian:
Why not, Lola?
Corey:
She’s a maid.
Adrian:
And you’re a slacker, but you’re still my brother.
Corey:
I think you’re making a huge mistake.
Adrian:
Think whatever you want.
Corey:
You will never change.
Adrian:
I’m going to need a best man, you interested?
Corey:
(surprised) I’m honored.
Adrian:
Don’t be late. I’ll need you there an hour ahead.
Corey:
That I can do. Thanks for making me your best man.
(They shake hands. BLACKOUT.)
