Have you ever felt like you’re not Latina enough for your family but too Latina for your workplace or school? This is a common struggle for first-gen Latinas, who often find themselves caught between two cultures, trying to meet conflicting expectations. Growing up as a first-gen Latina, you may struggle with balancing your bicultural identity. At home, you may have been expected to uphold cultural traditions, but in school, you may have felt pressured to fit into the mainstream culture. This constant struggle often leaves you feeling that you are not enough or, at times, that you are too much. These messages create different sets of expectations that lead to feelings of not fully belonging to either culture, ni de aquí, ni de allá. As a therapist, I often discuss with my first-gen Latina clients the immense pressure to meet the “perfect” Latina mold. Expectations about the language we speak, the food we eat, the traditions we uphold, and the music we listen to create unrealistic pressure to conform, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
However, we also discuss how complicated this pressure is given that the pressure in childhood was very different. Past pressures focused on suppressing parts of our identities to assimilate and be accepted into mainstream society. What are now promoted as qualities or characteristics that define Latinidad were ones I remember being encouraged to suppress.
Although I attended a majority Latinx high school, there was a lot of pressure to assimilate into mainstream culture. As the daughter of immigrants from Mexico and El Salvador, I worried that leaning too much into my Latina identity would encourage people to label me as a “paisa,” a term I did not want to be defined by and was embarrassed by at the time. To me, that term meant that I was “too Mexican” and “too different.” As a teenager, all I wanted was to be accepted and not labeled as “too much” of anything. I was deterred from embracing my cultura, speaking Spanish, and listening to banda—all because of my desire to fit into some mold. Now, my perspective has shifted. I no longer fear being different; I welcome uniqueness and authenticity. I am so proud to be Latina, and I no longer worry about being “too much.”
After decades of being discouraged from participating in our cultura—due to pressure to fit in, rules and policies that reprimanded us for speaking Spanish at school, and the general pressure to assimilate—the tide has shifted. Now, the criticism is that we are not honoring our cultura enough, not being culturally authentic enough. People who finally feel safe to explore their Latinidad often encounter negative perceptions for not having done so earlier.
For example, they are frequently met with comments like, “Why are you trying to act Mexican now?” and “You didn’t care about this stuff before” when attempting to reconnect with their Mexican heritage. This backlash is particularly evident online, where I have seen posts on social media of people sharing their stories of classmates calling them out or pointing out how different they are online now compared to high school. Such criticism can be incredibly discouraging and painful, making it difficult for individuals to reconnect with their roots without facing judgment from family, friends, and the community at large.
This backlash can have profound effects on our mental health and sense of self. Hearing comments that challenge our authenticity can lead to feelings of disconnect and isolation. It can make us question our identity and worth. However, there are ways to combat these feelings and reclaim our sense of control and empowerment.
When faced with comments like, “Why are you trying to act Mexican now?” take a moment to pause and consider responding confidently, “I have always been Mexican, but right now I’m exploring my heritage because it’s an important part of who I am, and I’m proud of my roots.” Remember, this is a personal journey, and you do not owe anyone an explanation. You can always say, “This is my journey, and I’m embracing it in my own way.”
When you start to feel that you are not “Latina enough” because you are not fitting into some mold, reflect on where that pressure is coming from. Recognize that the pressure is likely from societal messages that assume being Latina is a one-size-fits-all experience. Our Latinidad is immensely diverse and beautiful. There are many ways to connect or reconnect with our culturas, and it doesn’t have to follow a checklist. We are part of a diverse and rich culture, each with unique strengths of resilience, adaptability, resourcefulness, and determination, all developed through our experiences.
So, chingona, you are already Latina enough—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
