My family of five traveled often as I was growing up, usually with all of us piled into a single hotel room. My two siblings and I would argue over who slept where and who had to suffer through a night on the floor or on the lumpy pull-out couch.
The three of us have had our ups and downs as we grew up and our personalities developed in different ways. But now that we’re (almost) all in our 30s, things have shifted, especially as the pandemic separated us on opposite coasts.
When the world opened back up, my siblings and I saw it as a chance to take our relationship further with a “sibscation,” the first vacation we’ve taken without our parents.
We chose our destination and itinerary based on what we have in common as adults. It gave us a chance to travel without the expectations of a “perfect family vacation” and make decisions based on our relationships now. But we did have to go snag a photo on the beach for the family Christmas card at the insistence of our mother.
If you’re looking to plan your own adult siblings trip, here are some things to keep in mind.
Pick a time and location
With one of us on the West Coast and the other two on the East Coast, we decided that we’d have to compromise in terms of destination. After some discussion, we decided to take a trip to Santa Barbara, California, which turned out to be the perfect place to indulge in our shared love of antique stores and tiki bars. Plus it was an easy train ride from Los Angeles, where my youngest sibling, Rae, lives.
Dates were another concern with all of our competing work schedules. A simple text chain worked fine this time around, but for larger families, tools like Doodle polls and the Howbout app can be helpful.
Plan a budget and share responsibilities
Money can quickly lead to arguments, so we mapped out what we’d need to pay for well in advance. We each handled something and paid back the rest, including train tickets and a one-day car rental, using Venmo. Another good tool is Splitwise, which allows users to split up a bill or series of expenses with ease.
Writer Donna Meyer of NomadWomen.com traveled with her sister on a celebratory cruise after Meyer completed cancer treatment. She did much of the research, but with her sister’s input.
“I did (the booking of hotels and shore excursions) at her house so she could watch over my shoulder and answer every time I asked, ‘What do you think?’” Meyer said.
Choose your accommodations
After all the family vacations where one of us would have to sleep on the floor, space was absolutely a sticking point. We would have opted for a rental where we could each have a separate room, but most of those were further afield, requiring the use of a car.
We ended up selecting the Kimpton Canary Hotel for its walkable location and perks like morning coffee and happy hour. The three of us shared a king room that also had a pull-out couch. When Rae wanted to sleep in, Sammi and I headed to the rooftop patio with our coffees to read and soak in the mountain views.
For blogger Rebecca Marie Crowe of WanderingAndWine.com, a recent trip with her older sister to Montenegro highlighted their different needs and budgets for travel. “I’m a budget hostel girl and my sister is more of a resort person so we compromised on a budget hotel or deal,” Crowe said.
Mix scheduled activities with free time
Each of us picked something we wanted to do during the trip that appealed to our interests but wasn’t totally outside the realm of what the others would find interesting. For Sammi, the film buff, we did the Warner Brothers Studio Tour and drove around Forest Lawn Cemetery, known for its celebrity graves.
For Rae and me, it was the food and drinks, so we researched the best spots in town. Our favorites were the fresh crudo at The Lark, the tamarind-soy wings at Sama Sama, the wine tasting at Pali Wine Co. and the Old Fashioneds at the neon-lit Wildcat Lounge.
We also took a day trip to Solvang to sip on the Central Coast’s famed wines at tasting rooms like Alma Rosa and tropical drinks at High Roller Tiki Lounge as well as browse the midcentury modern antiques at Pieces of the Past.
But we didn’t want to pack the schedule too full because we know that each of us needs some downtime to recharge. We also had no problem splitting up when interests diverged, like if one person wanted to call it an early night or go read a book.
Crowe had a similar experience with her sister: “We tend to have a good amount of time either doing something quiet or separate just to refuel,” Crowe said. “And we stick to short holidays — up to five days so we don’t kill each other.”
Make some memories
The most important thing to remember about traveling with siblings is that this time together is precious. It’s easy to bicker like you did when you were children, but adult sibling relationships require work. Traveling together can challenge the status quo and push you to learn more about one another.
Meyer and her sister are 78 and 81, respectively, and still enjoy their trips together. “We travel well together. I’m not sure I would want to travel with anyone else,” she said.
Although my siblings trip to Santa Barbara wasn’t without small tiffs, we hope the “sibscation” will become an annual family tradition. But the question remains: Where to next?
Caroline Eubanks is a freelancer.
