Greetings, fellow rock enthusiast! Do you have an inexplicable urge to surround yourself with thumping music, tattoos, art, and people wearing way too much black? Well, it sounds like you’re thinking of making a pilgrimage to the Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival. Buckle up, buttercup; you’re in for a sarcastic and hilarious journey.
The Humble Beginnings (Or When Things Were Quieter)
The Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival is like that little toddler who, out of nowhere, starts reciting Shakespeare. You think it’s cute at first, but then you’re a bit scared of its potential. It’s a reincarnation of Rock on the Range, the legendary rock festival that graced Columbus, Ohio, with its loud presence for over a decade. But in 2019, someone decided it needed a rebirth, a rebranding, something… “sonic-ier”, and thus the Sonic Temple was built. And boy, did it echo.
Rocking Threads 101: What Not to Wear
If you’re reading this segment, chances are you’ve been stuck in a fashion rut since 2005. Fear not! Here’s your sarcastic guide to looking the part:
Last Year’s Festival Tee: Because nothing screams “I’ve been here before, I’m a veteran” louder.
All-Black Everything: You might think it’s because it’s the unofficial rock color. Nah, it’s mainly because spill stains from that overpriced festival beer won’t show. You can wear a cute crop top with a short black skirt, adding some gothic shoe. Done!
Studded Accessories: Whether it’s a belt, a bracelet, or just random studs glued onto your forehead, it’s all about that punk rock chic, darling.
Boots, the Clunkier the Better: Great for style, and for unintentionally stepping on the toes of that guy who elbowed you during the mosh pit.
Shoes Heels in a Festival: Yes if make you comfortable, platform heels can give life to your outfit and make you bold, taller and sexy.
Sunglasses, The Bigger the Better: Because not only do you want to shield your eyes from the sun, but you also need to hide those judgmental glares at questionable band tees.
Echos Through Time: What’s the Deal with Sonic Temple?
Once the spiritual successor to Rock on the Range, Sonic Temple has now established its own unique identity. Combining art installations with a music lineup that could very well cause spontaneous eardrum combustion, it’s clear this festival isn’t just about the music. It’s an experience. Oh, you thought you were just signing up for ringing ears? Ha! Throw in a bit of visual stimulus overload, courtesy of the art installations.
And the bands!
Oh, the bands. From System of a Down to Ghost to Foo Fighters, the line-ups have been the stuff of legends. And when I say legends, I mean the bands your older cousin Bob claims he used to “jam” with back in high school.
Packing Essentials (Or How Not to Look Like a Newbie)
Ear Plugs: Remember those eardrums I mentioned? Yeah, you might want to protect those.
An Open Mind: You’ll see art installations that’ll make you go, “Is that…? Nah, couldn’t be.” It is.
A Portable Charger: Because your phone will die faster from all the pictures and videos than your hopes of the headline band noticing you in the crowd.
Tons of Water: Hydration is the key to surviving hours of “mosh cardio.”
A Sarcasm Detector: To identify fellow intellectuals, like the author of this guide.
In Conclusion: Is It Worth the Sonic Boom?
If you’re still wondering if you should embark on this pilgrimage, let’s just say you’ll get more than a few cool Instagram photos. It’s a chance to be a part of something bigger, louder, and a tad bit sweatier than your couch’s music streaming experience.
So, if you’re ready to experience a unique blend of music, art, and the perpetual smell of fried festival food, Sonic Temple Art & Music Festival awaits you. Just remember, no matter how much you prepare on your festival outfit or if you forget something. But hey, at least you’ll look cool (or so we hope). Rock on, my sarcastic friend!